Aquella.

As I toss and turn the sheets on my bed hoping to fall into a deep sleep, I can’t stop thinking about my current status with people. My attempts to rest apparently fail, hence my writing. I cannot help but think it is a curse I can’t get rid of; the constant coming and going of people in my life. It’s like everyone’s on a journey, and I’m one of those resting spots in the middle of nowhere, where they sit back and relax, have a good time and create memories. Then they return to their journey and never look back.
I’ve never understood why it hurts so badly to lose people, and my 2 reasons for not understanding are:
1- I should be used to this by now, so the crying and weeping is unnecessary.
2- I’m supposed to be a cold hearted bitch, according to my family and maybe a few other people.
At this point I’m supposed to curse the hell out of everyone for being so selfish and treating me like dirt, but instead I just sit and think of reasons why I should stay naïve and hope everything will get better, or even wait for that friend to come and take the first step for once, the first step of a healing process, of making amends or even strengthening our friendship. I’m too naïve for my own good, and I know it.
It’s ridiculous to find myself in tears thinking it’s the end of the world, while the other party creates memories with someone new and throws the old memories like a big pile of garbage. I am 21 years old and still can’t manage to find someone decent enough to call a best friend, someone worth sticking up for, someone I can actually count on. Don’t get me wrong, these last 2 years I had the privilege of having this girl as my close friend, my soulmate. I just wish she could’ve stayed there instead of distancing herself from me. Why do people even do that?
Feels like it’s all a big fucking conspiracy and everyone is programmed to throw me out after a couple of laughs. Very unpleasant.